Kevin: The End of An Era

One of the reasons I started this blog was to have a place to talk about my struggles on this journey. Over the past year and a half, I have had many ups and downs. I think right now, I am more emotionally raw than I have ever been. Last week, I said goodbye to Kevin. He moved 650 miles away to take a job at a HUGE gym. It is a great opportunity for him, and I am very proud of him, and for him. He is going to be a superstar there, and touch so many lives. I wholeheartedly wish him the best, but it is killing me. A piece of my heart is being ripped out and going with him.

Man is a triune being (mind, body, and soul). To have real change, you have to touch all parts. By it's very nature, the client/trainer relationship is a deep one, if it is a good one. He has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly that is me. He has seen how day to day struggles affect me. He has heard (and countered) my self-talk. In a lot of ways, he has seen parts of me that I strive to keep hidden. He had to, in order to help me, in order to understand me. This is why trust is so key in the relationship. Kevin has become trainer, mentor, confidant, and counselor. He is the warrior that always had my back, protecting me from negative people that wanted to tear me down as I was trying to improve myself. Fighting for me even when I was my own worst enemy.

Relationships are funny. They say opposites attract, and there is a reason for it. If we were all the same, who would be strong where we are weak? Kevin and I are polar opposites in so many ways. He is very type A, driven, focused, proper, in a word "professional".  I am so NOT. I am very random, relational, laid back. It was hard in the beginning, more so for him I think. He didn't know quite how to handle me. He would be all serious and focused on our workout, and I would do/say something totally off the wall. I could see the wheels in his head just start spinning as he tried to figure out how to respond. It always amused me when I caught him off balance like that. Occasionally, his professional face would slip. I would catch glimpses of the real Kevin. I always felt privileged when that would happen, because I could tell it was something not everyone got to see. Kevin and I have found "the unity of opposites". To paraphrase my friend Seth: "when people are so different, and work so hard to make it work, the relationship is so much stronger". 

Now as I write this, there are tears in my eyes. Kevin has changed my life, and in a very real way, saved it. Yes, I have done the work. I have put the time in. But he believed in me before I believed in myself. He pushed me to go farther. He showed me that I am stronger than I think I am. He looked at me when I was at my worst, and said "you are worth more than this."  Any success I have from this point on, is a direct result of the foundation he has laid. Yes, I will continue on. I will work with another trainer. I will reach the stars. But every burpee I do, every walking lunge, every medication I no longer take, is a direct result of what he has poured into me. I am forever changed.

Each day as I walk into the gym, I look at the parking lot and notice his car isn't there. The hole in my heart from the piece that went with him aches. I wonder if he thinks of me. I wonder if I was able to give him a fraction of what he gave me. As he builds his new life, will the memory of me fade? Will I become just another client he once had? I am richer because of him. Can he say the same of me? Only time will tell. Of all the things I have called him, the most important I leave for the last. I believe he is my friend, and I hope it is a friendship that will span both our lifetimes and any distance that is between us.