The Year of Loss

2013 is drawing to a close. Thanksgiving and Christmas are now behind me. New Years is right around the cornor. It is time for reflection. This has been a really tough year for me, financially and emotionally. The year started with our only car (and the means by which my husband makes money) cratering. Then my husband ended up in the hospital for almost a week. My original five left the gym one by one. I started a new job. It has seemed like I have had one hit after another, ALL YEAR LONG. I have said before that stress has made me gain weight in the past. Is it any wonder why I have been on a plateau? I have tried to face each hit with a positive attitude, a smile on my face and laughter in my heart. I must confess, it has been hard. I have often told friends "Faith isn't faith 'til it's tested." And mine has been tested this year. 

I believe things happen in cycles, or seasons if you will. As 2013 ends, I look at 2014 coming on the horizon. My God given optomism swells in my chest. Hope comes with the dawn.  I believe 2014 will be a year of change. I'm settling into my new job. There is definite room for growth there. I have stepped away from small group training, and am now doing Power in Motion. I am feeling stronger. (Reminding myself that muscle weighs more than fat, and as Kevin once told me "Gaining more muscle is NEVER a bad thing") I am building a new support system. Nothing will ever take the place of the original five, but different isn't always bad. There will be strength in the differences. Already Austin is pushing me, encouraging me, building me up. He takes the time to talk to me, listen to me. We are bonding. When I can make early morning workouts, Levi is there to stretch me and challenge me. These guys are both powerhouses, and will be key to my continued changes. Christa is back, after going to work at another gym for a while. I missed her so much while she was gone. While she won't be teaching anymore (she has taken a supervisory role), she will ALWAYS be there for emotional support. Her smile and laughter make my heart sing. Since I've been doing PnM so much, I'm not taking as many group classes, but I do make sure to get my cardio in at least once a week by taking RPM with Shawn. He talks a lot of trash to me during class, but I know he misses me when I'm not there. And I can't forget Madison. 5:30 am RPM with her is fun when I can make it, but 5:30 pm Friday BodyCombat is the BEST!! She has the heart of a servant and is about as sweet as they come. My team at the desk now consist of Holly, Josh, and Kimber. There smiles and encouragement when I walk in really make my day. 

So Happy New Year everyone! So long Year of Loss, hello to the Year of Change. Let's get busy!!!

Bad influence

I have been deemed a bad influence in my family. I don't have any children of my own, but I am richly blessed with many nieces and nephews, three of which live just across the street from me: Caeden (8), Mila (6), and Drew (1 1/2). 

When Drew got to an age where he was starting to roll over and try to crawl, various things he was doing looked an awful lot like things I was doing with Kevin. Dregan (one of my other nephews) informed me that he was doing pilates. It wasn't long before Drew was doing "down dog" on command.

The other day, Shelley (my long time friend and sister-in-law), overheard Caeden and Mila playing in the other room. While other children their age play "Cops & Robbers" or "Cowboys & Indians", MY niece and nephew are playing "Trainer & Client". This game involved Caeden standing over his sister while she said "I'm ready to try THAT (move)" while he told her, "no, you have to get THIS one right before you can move on". It also involved him making her do push-ups with her feet on the bed. Where he got THAT one, I will never know, I have only recently tried that one myself.

Now when I come home and talk to Shelley about some new torture that Levi or Austin have devised for me, I am asked to demonstrate. There are young minds/bodies that are watching and listening. Oh, how I love warping them.

I think I'm in love....

Kevin has been gone for over a month now. It has been a big adjustment for me. The training contract I signed expires at the end of the month. And while I have enjoyed my time with Andrew, I have decided not to renew it, and strike out on my own....well, kinda. 

There are different levels of involvement offered at the gym. Your basic membership gives you unlimited access to classes taught by certified instructors. They are great classes where there can be any number of people taking the class with you. The instructors are AWESOME, but there isn't a lot of room for personal attention during these sessions. The next level is Large Group Training - the new Power in Motion (PnM) class. There is an additional monthly fee for this class, and it is offered several times a day. PnM is mostly taught by trainers. Due to the fact that there is an additional charge for this class, it tends to be smaller than the large group classes. The class is also more intense, focusing on functional strength. Smaller class plus the fact that it is taught by trainers equals more personal attention. Next is Small Group Training (this is what I had been doing with Kevin). Typically a small group training class has a ratio of 4 clients to 1 trainer. At this point, the trainer can really get personal with you, see your strengths and weaknesses. They have the time to talk to you about diet and sleep habits. Then the last level is Personal Training. This is one-on-one with a trainer. The full personal experience, you have the focused attention of a trained professional who finds the best way to torture you personally. Each level cost progressively more, and Small Group Training and Personal training are charged by session.

For the past year and a half, I have been making serious sacrifices to work with Kevin in Small Group Training. When people asked, I would say, "yeah, it's expensive, but it is cheaper than a heart attack, and that is where I was headed." Here at the point when my contract was expiring, and Kevin was leaving, the gym was running an amazing special for PnM. So after a lot of thought, I decided I was ready to step down a level. I have stuck with this gym thing for long enough that it obviously isn't just a phase for me. I am committed and determined. I figured, "if it doesn't workout, I can always go back to training." 

Honestly, I was a little nervous about the decision. Emotional connection has been key to my success. Chance calls me uber-social. I am probably one of the most extroverted people you could meet. I HAVE to have a personal connection or I'm not having fun, and if I'm not having fun, I get bored. This connection is what I was missing in my past gym experiences. Without it, I see no results. Two weeks in, I am very happy with my decision. I didn't think it was possible to become even more addicted than I already was, but apparently it is. I have had to opportunity to do some early morning workouts with Levi. During the challenge, I had gotten to work with him some. We bonded then, and it is nice to get back to working with him. Strength and flexibility are my strengths, and Levi shares that with me. So I really feel like he can teach me so much. My afternoon workouts are with Austin. He is new at the gym (well, kind of...he apparently worked here before). I was a little intimidated by him at first. He is a big guy, and he has worked as a trainer on both a collegiate and a professional level. The intimidation factor was gone after my first workout with him! He is a great motivator/encourager. I am already feeling a connection there, and look forward to learning from him as well. Well, that is if he doesn't kill me first...he likes to make me RUN and BOUNCE!

Final Workout with Kevin

Told Kevin that I just wanted to have fun and play our last workout. He let me try some stuff I had not tried before. Here is the video. Made him do it too so you could see what it is supposed to look like.

Kevin: The End of An Era

One of the reasons I started this blog was to have a place to talk about my struggles on this journey. Over the past year and a half, I have had many ups and downs. I think right now, I am more emotionally raw than I have ever been. Last week, I said goodbye to Kevin. He moved 650 miles away to take a job at a HUGE gym. It is a great opportunity for him, and I am very proud of him, and for him. He is going to be a superstar there, and touch so many lives. I wholeheartedly wish him the best, but it is killing me. A piece of my heart is being ripped out and going with him.

Man is a triune being (mind, body, and soul). To have real change, you have to touch all parts. By it's very nature, the client/trainer relationship is a deep one, if it is a good one. He has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly that is me. He has seen how day to day struggles affect me. He has heard (and countered) my self-talk. In a lot of ways, he has seen parts of me that I strive to keep hidden. He had to, in order to help me, in order to understand me. This is why trust is so key in the relationship. Kevin has become trainer, mentor, confidant, and counselor. He is the warrior that always had my back, protecting me from negative people that wanted to tear me down as I was trying to improve myself. Fighting for me even when I was my own worst enemy.

Relationships are funny. They say opposites attract, and there is a reason for it. If we were all the same, who would be strong where we are weak? Kevin and I are polar opposites in so many ways. He is very type A, driven, focused, proper, in a word "professional".  I am so NOT. I am very random, relational, laid back. It was hard in the beginning, more so for him I think. He didn't know quite how to handle me. He would be all serious and focused on our workout, and I would do/say something totally off the wall. I could see the wheels in his head just start spinning as he tried to figure out how to respond. It always amused me when I caught him off balance like that. Occasionally, his professional face would slip. I would catch glimpses of the real Kevin. I always felt privileged when that would happen, because I could tell it was something not everyone got to see. Kevin and I have found "the unity of opposites". To paraphrase my friend Seth: "when people are so different, and work so hard to make it work, the relationship is so much stronger". 

Now as I write this, there are tears in my eyes. Kevin has changed my life, and in a very real way, saved it. Yes, I have done the work. I have put the time in. But he believed in me before I believed in myself. He pushed me to go farther. He showed me that I am stronger than I think I am. He looked at me when I was at my worst, and said "you are worth more than this."  Any success I have from this point on, is a direct result of the foundation he has laid. Yes, I will continue on. I will work with another trainer. I will reach the stars. But every burpee I do, every walking lunge, every medication I no longer take, is a direct result of what he has poured into me. I am forever changed.

Each day as I walk into the gym, I look at the parking lot and notice his car isn't there. The hole in my heart from the piece that went with him aches. I wonder if he thinks of me. I wonder if I was able to give him a fraction of what he gave me. As he builds his new life, will the memory of me fade? Will I become just another client he once had? I am richer because of him. Can he say the same of me? Only time will tell. Of all the things I have called him, the most important I leave for the last. I believe he is my friend, and I hope it is a friendship that will span both our lifetimes and any distance that is between us.

I know, I know.....

I have been such a bad blogger! I have had moments when I was so busy that I barely saw my husband followed by moments where there was just nothing new to post (you don't want a post that says, "yep, did RPM AGAIN!"). 

I think I am still in the plateau, tho thanks to my friend Warren, I am now calling it a mesa (seems more fun in a southwest kinda way). One weigh/measure I lose body fat, but gain weight, the next it is just the opposite. Never big changes, just enough to annoy me. As I am writing this, I am hopeful tho, due to my last results. I dropped 2.8 lbs in 1 week! Before the dreaded mesa, my lowest weight was 173.4. Due to fluctuation, I don't think I will declare the mesa broken until I hit 170, but 2.8 is the biggest change I have seen.  

I mentioned that there are new faces at the gym. Since I posted last, all my "Original Five" have left. Steve left at the beginning of the year. I only see him from time to time when he comes to workout. I have written about Chance leaving. That was hard, but we stay in touch on a regular basis. Think he may just be stuck with me :) . Bria went on maternity leave with her second child, and isn't coming back except occasionally  Then Blake turned in his 2 week notice so he could focus on going back to school. I was starting to feel the loss. Before Blake was officially gone, Kevin announced that he was moving away. It was almost more than I could handle. I will say more about Kevin in my next post. His leaving deserves more than just mentioning in passing. Needless to say, I'm currently feeling a little disconnected. The Five, laid the foundation for my success. They have laughed with me, cried with me, and encouraged me when I was down. There is no way I could have gotten here without them. New people will come into my life, but it will never be the same.

Speaking of new people, before he left, Kevin passed me off to a new trainer. It isn't a totally new face in my journey. I am now training with Andrew (AKA: The Evil Kid Next Door). Kevin was the only hybrid trainer who could do both pilates and Art of Strength. So I had to make a choice between pilates and Art of Strength. That decision in itself is enough to break my heart. I LOVE PILATES! I am naturally very flexible, and pilates stretches me. Pilates focuses on core strength, and that is one of my weaknesses. Art of Strength is more about functional strength. Lots of weights. I am also naturally strong, so that style of workout fits me well. I think it came down to trainers for me. As much as I enjoy talking trash about Andrew, I trust him to push me, in a way I don't know the other trainers would. I'm sure you will be hearing a lot about him, and I promise not to cuss here (it may take some editing on my part).

SO IT BEGINS.........

I finally got a good video of me boxing with Kevin. He has seriously created a monster.

The Dreaded Plateau

Well, it has happened. For the past 2 months I have been in the dreaded plateau. My weight has been doing about a 5 pound fluctuation. Kevin warned me about it early on in our relationship. He started preparing me for it about 2 months in. "It's natural. Once the body adapts to what you are doing, you have to change things up. Most people hit their first one at about 2-3 months." 4 months in he said, "Hmm...you haven't plateaued yet." Then at 6 months it became "Why haven't you plateaued yet??!?" (think he was kinda freaking out). While my weight has stalled, my body fat and my waist have continued to drop a little. Not in the big way they were before, but at least that is still going in the right direction. 

I know it has been a while since I have posted. This year has been hard on me. Several stressors hitting me from several directions, but such is life, so I don't say that as an excuse as much as an explanation. So a quick recap of what has happened in the time since my last post. 

The end of the 90 day weight loss challenge  has come and gone. My awesome green team dominated the team category. Was there ever any doubt? I didn't win the individual prize, but honestly I wasn't expecting to. I had already lost so much before the competition had started. The closer one gets to the goal, the harder it becomes to lose. By the end of the challenge I was already seeing the plateau on the horizon. 

I started a new job 2 weeks ago. My brain has been fried trying to learn all the new stuff for the new job. It is going to be a good thing, but any life change brings new stress for a while. The hours are different from my old job, which means changes had to be made in my workout schedule. I now celebrate Kevin-day on Mondays. Tuesday is RPM with Shawn. Wednesday is BodyPump with Erica, and hopefully soon I will be adding BodyFlow as a second class on Wednesday with McKinzie and Velvet. Really looking forward to the stretch mid-week. Currently Thursdays are BodyFlow, but if I join in on the class Wednesday, I will make Thursdays RPM with Linda to get a second good cardio in for the week. Fridays end my week with BodyCombat with Madison. This is a good way to punch out all the stress of the week. I'm pretty excited by the new workout schedule. I really think it has some good balance to it that may get me off this plateau.

There has also been a lot of changes to the faces at the gym. Some people that I love dearly have moved on to bigger and better things. While I am happy for them, their presence is sorely missed. Christa will ALWAYS be one of my favorite instructors. Her energy and friendship has made this ride fun. Then there is Chance. He was my first contact, the first one I bonded with, his friendship and encouragement has meant the world to me. It has been life changing. Luckily for me, my friendship with him extended outside the gym. While I no longer see him on a daily basis, I still benefit from his knowledge and his passion for fitness. He my no longer be at the gym, but he is still in the thick of this battle with me.

Josh is the newest addition to the list of peeps. He is young and enthusiastic (almost to the point of being bouncy). I kinda like him, except when I want to smack him for bouncing. He has already been brave enough to join me for a class. We will see where this goes. ;)

Playful Trainers

The past two weeks, Kevin has been in quite a mood. He has been hyper to the point of being bouncy. 

Last week, as I came out of the locker room, he comes up to me all excited and says, "We are working outside today!" We head out to the basketball court. As he hits the door leading out he looks over his shoulder at me (with a mischievous grin) and says, "I already have all the toys out here waiting for you." Me (sarcastically), "GREAT!" Heavy boxing bag, dumbbells, swiss ball, JUMP ROPE....sigh. He had too much fun torturing me - various weighted walking lunges, pushing the heavy bag all over the court, and chest presses and flys while balancing w/ the ball under my shoulder. He only taunted me with the jump rope, using it himself while I was doing the presses on the ball. And I can't forget the boxing. The boxing is always my favorite part. 

Monday, he caught me coming out of AOS. He was apparently in the mood to play. He grabbed me, and we worked out side by side for about 20 minutes. Half that time was spent with me playing trainer and him playing client.  I "taught" him how to do loop lunges to plank to push up and back up. Then he had me "teach" him how to do vintage swings with a dumbbell. He drug out 2 BOSU's and we just played.

Thursday, he gave me what he called a "meathead workout". We were in the free weight room. He was almost giddy as he was loading the weights on the bars. Dead lifts, chest presses, shoulder presses, rows with as much weight as I could handle. He drug out a step and had me jumping across it, jumping on it (landing on only one foot)...sigh..BOUNCY! More BOSU work and weighted work on the ball. And of course the boxing. He has been increasing the length of my combos...had me throwing a 24 punch combo. I'm a bit of a show off. We had never boxed int the free weight area before. It is close to the front desk, very visible area of the gym.  While I was focused on Kevin, I still could see people in my peripheral vision, watching. It was a lot of fun.

I tell you all this to say this: I can move today (2 days later), but I don't really want to. I am Brainwashed&Broken, it is too late for me, but it may not be for you. If your trainer is ever in a playful mood, RUN!

Matrix Planks

I have already described what a plank is, and what makes it so difficult. The sick and twisted minds at the gym can't leave hard things alone. They have to tweak them and make them even harder. I don't know exactly who came up with this one, but it is the newest torture in Art of Strength class. Actually, matrix planks are pretty cool, and they showcase my natural flexibility. I am a trained professional, don't try this at home....actually, do try this, it is great exercise.

MyFitnessPal

During each week of the challenge, we have to attend a nutrition class. In each class, we are given three goals to work on for that week. In the past, goals have included drinking 2 liters of water a day and eating five to eight servings of vegetables. Recently one of the goals was to start using MyFitnessPal (a free app that can be found at www.myfitnesspal.com). You log in everything you eat, as well as your activity for the day. It is actually a pretty cool app for those trying to lose weight.

With the weather changes we have been having lately (alternating hot/cold with the cold being unseasonably cold), my allergies/sinuses have been giving me fits this week. I sent the following e-mail to my gym peeps w/ the subject line "MyFitnessPal HELP!" :

"I need the nutrition values for snot. I have looked for it under snot and phlegm both, and MyFitnessPal doesn't seem to have it listed. I am swallowing large quantities of it today and need to tract the calories at least. What is a serving of snot? And I also need suggestions on just how to count how many servings I am consuming. Please let me know. I want my experience with MyFitnessPal to be as accurate as possible."

I got this response from Chance (he cracks me up):

"Well, scientifically speaking, a serving of snot is a loogie. As far as their caloric density, I have no idea. You might ought to start hocking and spitting to avoid over consumption, not to  mention, you don't want to be called a snotlicker,-now do ya?"

Took some allergy meds that night and was tempted to send out a follow up e-mail that asked "how many calories do I burn fighting a drug induced fog?"

Green Machine

The one month weigh in for the challenge has come and gone. I lost 4.89% of my body weight. It put me in 4th place in my awesome GREEN TEAM. As I said in my previous post, the top 5 from each team win free large group training for the following month. GREEN TEAM also won the most check ins for the month, which means we got an additional 10 spaces in the large group training! My team is rocking it!!! I have been taking advantage of the prize. Large group training is also known as Art of Strength, something I have been doing with Kevin for a while. It is totally different as a class tho. With Kevin, he tailors it to fit me, my abilities. In a class, you have to try to keep up with those around you. IT IS BRUTAL! Think boot camp on steroids! The kettle bells and bar bells, I can handle for the most part. The problem is they are trying to force me to be BOUNCY!!! Chance is ecstatic about it, finds it VERY amusing. He walked through the area when they were making me do burpees (stand, bend down and put hands on floor, JUMP your feet back so you are in a plank, JUMP your feet forward again, stand up, and just for good measure, JUMP straight up...repeat til you fall on your face). He walked right past me and didn't even rescue me!!! Some friend he is...sigh. AOS as a class is a lot of work, but I believe it is going to be a game changer.

Taking It Easy

Dear Kevin,
I know you told me to take it easy this weekend. I promise you that I TRIED, but apparently "take it easy" is no longer a phrase my muscles understand. I got to the gym about 30 minutes early for the class I planned on taking. I spent the time doing some really good stretches, resisting the urge to jump on one of the weight machines to pass the time. Then I went into RPM. I fully intended to follow your orders. I set my resistance dial a quarter of a turn less than I usually do. I paced myself just a little slower. I was going to have a nice easy ride....or so I thought. The music started pumping, the lights started flashing, and the sweat started dripping. I found myself bumping the resistance up...just a little...it won't hurt...no one will notice. (sigh) I had good intentions, but my body wouldn't cooperate. I blame you.
Sincerely,
Carolyn 
Brainwashed&Broken

The Look

Planking is a very hard core exercise. It consist of holding your body straight as a board, hence the term planking. There are several variations to the exercise with varying levels of difficulty. Straight planks are done on hands or elbows and either toes or knees. Side planking is one elbow/hand and one knee or with you feet "scissored". The new release of my beloved BodyPump has side planking, as does CXWorks. In these classes, due to the difficulty of the move, I have been opting for the lower level, which means I have been doing them on one elbow and one knee. 

Thursday, Kevin had me straight planking on the BOSU. BOSU is short for "both sides up". It is a half ball with a flat surface on one side. This adds instability to whatever you are trying to do. So, take a plank (which is already challenging), add instability, and your core muscles scream at you, declaring that you have lost your mind. Kevin is on the ground next to me, showing me what he is wanting me to do. He tells me he wants me to move from a straight plank to a side plank. I drop one knee and rotate up into the same side plank that I've been doing in class. Kevin (who is in a side plank of his own) cocks his head, raises an eyebrow and looks at my face, then quick glance at my knee, then back at my face. I have NEVER seen that look on Kevin's face before, and never wanna see it again. Without a word I got the message, "What are you doing? Get that knee UP!" I picked up my knee bringing my plank into one of the harder levels. Kevin gave me a half smile and a slight nod. Sigh...this is what happens when your trainer believes in you more than you believe in yourself.

Conditioning

Thursday Kevin decided to have me do a "conditioning" workout. It consists of several moves done in rapid succession. I did walking lunges while passing a kettle bell between my legs with each step, kettle bell swings, kettle bell figure eights. Then I did step ups with a back leg lift at the top followed by inclined push-ups. He had me pushing the free standing heavy boxing bag all over the basketball court (both forward and backward). The killer part was when I had to do 40 mountain climbers, 20 push squats, and 10 back leg lifts (each side) from an inclined push-up position. He had me do those just before letting me throw some punches (I think he was trying to tire me out before letting me hit him). I also did planks and side planks on the dreaded balance platform. He hasn't pushed me that hard in a while. There were a couple of times I wanted to tell him, "wait, I need to BREATHE!", but as always, Kevin noticed. He is good at giving me a break when I NEED it, but not a moment sooner. I have been sore for days since the workout, but how can I complain when I'm getting the results that I'm getting? I liked it. Yep, I am truly Brainwashed&Broken.

90 Day Weight Loss Challenge

Sign ups were this week for a 90 day weight loss challenge at work. It really is a huge deal. The challenge was open to the first 200 employees to sign up. They then divided us all into 4 teams of 50. Because my gym is owned by the company I work for, they are partners in the challenge. Each team (Green, Blue, Red, and Black) is lead by gym staff. They will be our coaches/teachers/encourage-rs for the competition. Each participant will have full access  to the gym for the 90 days, whether they are currently a member or not. At the end of the competition the team with the most participation will receive a $50 gift card. The individual with the highest percentage of weight loss will receive $500 and a free year membership at the gym. To be eligible for the prizes, participants must check in at the gym at least 2 times a week to work out and attend a nutrition class each week. We will have monthly weigh-ins along the way. At each weigh in, the top 5 people from each team, and the top 15 people from the team that is ahead will receive free group training for the following month. 

I heard about the challenge probably 2 weeks before it was announced. There is something to be said for being the gym's poster child. I found out that my support team was split between the different teams. I suppose it is only fair. If Andrew, Blake, Bria, Chance, Holly, Kevin, and Phil were all on the same team, that team would have an edge. Andrew and Phil are on the Red Team. Blue Team is in the hands of Kevin, Chance, and Holly. Green Team will benefit from having Blake and Bria to look to. I asked (rather loudly and repeatedly) to be on the Green Team. Chance says I'm a social creature. Much of what I do revolves around relationships. I already work with Kevin on a weekly basis, we have an awesome relationship! Chance and I go to the same church, so I've already got a good bond with him. While I have fun working out with Andrew, he is more fun to trash talk with. I worked with Bria for a short time in the beginning of my journey. That leaves Blake. While I consider it an honor to call Blake my friend, I have not had the privilege to WORK with Blake yet. My heart suddenly belonged to the Green Team.  

Once I declared my desire to be Green, the trash talk started. Andrew kept saying he didn't want me to be Red because he wanted to defeat me. Phil kept threatening to make sure I was Red so that I would be on his team. Kevin had to postpone one of my sessions with him last week, and jokingly blamed it on the fact that he was the Blue trainer and I wanted to be Green.  I bought neon green shoe laces, then found some new gym shoes (which I needed since I've lost enough weight that my shoes were loose) on sale that happened to have green stripes. I found out yesterday that I am OFFICIALLY on the Green Team! Now the trash talk can begin in earnest!!! They have no idea who they are dealing with. With Blake and Bria behind me, I will be unstoppable!!! GO GREEN!!!!

Launch

Ever so often, the powers that be release new music and moves for the classes at the gym, partly so that you don't get bored with your routine and partly for "muscle confusion". The gym always makes a big production out of the changes - costumes, theme, decorations, etc. This week was the "launch". Friday is usually my day for BodyPump. Around lunch time, I get a text from my friend Christa (who teaches BodyCombat on Friday night). Apparently, she was going to go out to eat after class, and wanted to know if I wanted to join her. You probably know by now that I can't ever say no to hanging out with friends. This changed my plans. 

Since I was at the gym anyway, I still did the BodyPump launch. The stage was filled with the BodyPump greats: Shawn, Melody, Crystal, Erica, and Mary. How could it be anything but AWESOME! Melody typically only teaches in the early mornings. Since Shelley and I had changed our morning routine, I had not seen Melody in about a month. Toward the end of the workout, she was leading the ab track. We were side planking, and she says from the stage "you are doing really well, Carolyn." After class, I went up to tell her how much I had missed taking class with her. She looks at me and says "You have really been doing well. You are so much better and doing so much more than when you first started. I can really see the difference in you."

Immediately after BodyPump was BodyCombat. These are my two favorite workouts (not counting my time with Kevin, which is always the highlight of my week), but doing them back to back like this was going to be a challenge. Again, the stage was set with all the BodyCombat stars: Christa, Crystal, Madison, and Erica (who by the way is six months pregnant and makes it all look so easy). I wore my new MMA kick boxing gloves that I got from my husband for Valentine's Day.  This time it was Madison that came to give me words of encouragement. She has only been teaching for the past two or three months, but she said that she could really see the way my body has change in just that short period of time. 

After class, we all met up at Jason's Deli. It was really nice to hang out with all these great people. There is something special about seeing people from the gym in a more social setting. Some of them I got to really talk to for the first time, while others I got to get to know a little better. Encouragement and friendship go a long way in this battle, and day by day I am able to draw deeply from that well.

Walking Lunges

I HATE walking lunges! Kevin really killed me yesterday. First we did walking lunges across the room and back again. Then he handed me a kettle bell. I had to hold the kettle bell in my right hand up against my shoulder while doing walking lunges across the room. Once on the other side, I switched hands to do walking lunges back. We did a few other exercises, and then went back to the walking lunges. This time I had to pass the kettle bell between my legs with each lunge step. Kevin is an evil evil evil man. We finished the workout stretching in the pilates studio. I was doing an inner thigh stretch and said "wow, my thighs are tight today." Kevin laughs and says, "yeah, it's all the walking lunges I made you do.".....BITE ME!!!

DUDE!

I came out of RPM this afternoon, and went to the locker room to get my stuff so I could come home. My lock wouldn't unlock. I tried everything, but nothing worked, so I go out to desk:
Me: Y'all have a bolt cutter somewhere, my lock won't open.
Phil: Yeah, I think there is one behind my door. (he goes to get it)
Blake (looks at Chance, then at me): You're gonna need a dude to cut that off for you.
Me: Naw...I've got this.
Chance: You sure? I mean, I know you're tough....(Phil is back with bolt cutters, and hands them to me)
Chance: Try it, if you can't get it come back out and we'll get it for you.
(walk to locker room carrying bolt cutters...getting strange looks)
(walk back out of locker room carrying bolt cutters...slap cut lock on desk)
Me: I don't need no stinkin' dude!
(challenge accepted!)

CXWorks

The gym is offering a new class called CXWorks. It is 30 minutes of intense core training: crunches and planks. They launched the class a couple of weeks ago, but I wanted to wait to try it until the "newness" wore off some. I bit the bullet last night. Lisa (the woman that trains with me when I'm with Kevin) was wanting to try it, and asked me to do it with her. By now you probably know me well enough to know that I can't say no to working out with a friend. WOW was it intense! I never knew 30 minutes could seem like a lifetime. 

I woke up this morning as was surprise that I wasn't sore. Shelley and I were running a little late for our AM workout, so I ended up doing the interval treadmill instead of my planned BodyCombat. While on the treadmill, I got a little tinge in my inner thighs. Ok, so maybe I was a little sore. As the day progressed, the soreness got worse. By lunch, my thighs and butt were screaming at me. I make it through the day, and head to the gym to meet Lisa for RPM. She was telling me that her abs were sore. I told her about the problems I was having with my thighs and butt, but I wasn't really sore in my abs. Told her that maybe my abs were sore, but I hadn't noticed because my thighs hurt too much. Well, I was right. Over dinner tonight I started feeling my lower abs. Tomorrow could be interesting.

Hispanic Life

I finally got a post-able copy of the article they did about me in Hispanic Life. I was honored that they asked me to do it, and had a lot of fun with it. 

Bite Me

When I first started this journey, I decided I couldn't do things half way. I had to be willing to try anything, even if it scared me. The first class I jumped into was RPM (biking class). I wasn't excited about it. Exercise bikes and me typically don't get along very well because I like to coast too much when I'm on a bike. Coasting is kinda pointless when you are trying to workout. I had also heard it was one of the more intense classes (speed peddling, STANDING and peddling), one of the higher calorie burners. When I filled out my profile for the gym, it was the only class I put down as "not interested in AT ALL". Guess which class Bria recommended? Guess which class Shelley wanted to try? Sigh....I was stuck!

Arrived to the class early because the first time you take RPM, they want to have time to show you how to set up your bike to fit your body. There were two instructors on the stage that day. Brian (very bouncy) comes over to help Shelley and I. He was sweet, thorough, and over hyper/over happy. The last thing he does is tighten the straps on my feet, looks at us as says "And above all else, HAVE FUN!" And then, bounces away. I look at my feet. I look at Shelley and say "He tied me to my bike!" Shelley says, "You can't get away now!" Looking at my feet again, "I may have to chew my own foot off. The only problem is now I can't reach it!"

Fifteen minutes into the workout, I'm dying! Don't laugh. If you have never taken an RPM class, you don't understand. The other instructor calls out from the stage, "How are my new ladies in the back doing?" I swear, the only thought that crossed my mind was, "Lady, you better be glad I can't breathe right now, because if I could I would yell: Bite Me!!!!!!" Later Shelley and I decided I needed a sign for those moments. Think Wile E. Coyote holding little sign on a stick. A few days later I saw that Joe's Crab Shack sells a shirt with the phrase. I decided that I needed that shirt to workout in. My friend Lisa bought it for me for my birthday this year. Now I don't have to yell...the shirt says it all.

Check up

I had my regular appointment with my doctor last Wednesday. He came into the room almost speechless. Looked at me with his mouth moving, but nothing coming out. I started laughing. Finally he says, "What CAN I say? Good job? Keep it up? You are doing amazing!" It set the tone for the whole visit. 

I had told him at my last appointment that I had set my sights on becoming insulin free (I was already having to reduce my dosages). He agreed that if I kept up the good work that it was possible. If I got my dosage low enough, he would switch me over to an oral medication instead. For a short time, I would take both while the oral built up in my system. I then told him that I eventually wanted to be taken off the oral also. His reply? "THAT is an awfully big goal."

Three months later, I'm in his office. My blood work has improved...not perfect yet, but much better. I've reduced my insulin dosage considerably. I have lost 24 pounds by his scale. He is beside himself. Not only does he put me on oral medication for my diabetes, he takes me totally off the insulin without the adjustment overlap. Then HE brings up the idea that I may one day be totally off the oral medication also.

They say diabetes is an epidemic. They say it is incurable. I say there is hope. If I can turn this thing around, so can you!   

I passed the test!!!

Today was the test. After one of the most stressful weeks, it was time for weigh measure. I know from past experience that I tend to gain weight when I'm stressed. I once lost about 40 pounds just by quitting a job that I hated. I was a little worried about this week. I went in thinking "Please, just let me have maintained...I don't want to GAIN!" I lost 1.8 lbs, not my target of 4 lbs (2 per week), but all things considered, I'll take it. I lost 0.2 of an inch to my waist. Again, not what I would have liked, but Kevin says the body loses in different places at different times. This just wasn't a "waist" week. To almost prove that point, I lost 2.65% body fat. How can I be anything but ecstatic about that? If I can do this during such a hard week, I know there is no stopping me!

I THINK I'M HAVING STRESS!!!!

WOW!!! What a week. My husband came down with a rare auto immune disease and ended up in the hospital for 5 days. I was stressed to my limits, almost to the point of breaking. I talk about getting healthier being a life style change, and this is where the rubber meets the road. When you are thrown a curve ball, what do you do?

Between work and staying with my husband in the hospital, I didn't get to the gym as often as I usually do. My early morning workouts were abandoned to get some much needed sleep. When I missed the first one, I told Chance that I was being a bum. He gave me permission to be a bit of a bum though. I still went every after noon. It was good stress relief.  I threw myself into classes to take my mind off of things, or I spent time on the treadmill praying about them. 

While the workouts helped with the stress, once again my support team went above and beyond to encourage me. From offers to bring me food, to taking the time to ask about him, to the many hugs I received (Bridget did NOT climb over the counter to give me a hug - I didn't see anything, you have no proof), they really helped hold me together when I felt like I was shaking apart. I already owe them a life time debt, yet they just keep pouring into me. Words are not enough to express my gratitude.

This Thursday is my next weigh/measure day. I almost feel like it is a test. Will I still lose when my game is thrown off, when life has kept me from giving it my all? I will find out soon enough. No matter what the results are, I will keep fighting, and I know I have people that will be with me every step of the way.

Good Week

I had a really good week this week. Coming off being out sick, I was worried about losing momentum. I took it easy the first couple of days back, but then I got an invitation to work out with Kevin and Andrew. How could I pass that up? When I arrived at the workout, I discovered that Andrew was training a small group of us that included Kevin, Holly (another of my gym peeps), and another guy that I had never met. It was one of my hardest workouts yet, but I had a blast. Andrew impressed me by keeping up with all four of us doing something different. It was also a nice change to work side-by-side with Kevin, see him struggle and sweat the way he makes me struggle and sweat. Not that I had time to enjoy it, I was too busy trying to breathe. Holly and I have been in the same class before, but being in a class with someone when there are 20 of you, and being in a training session with them and there are only four is totally different. You get to see what the other person is made of, and Holly is tough. 

Shelley and I changed out early morning routine up this week. She is having some problems with an old shoulder injury that makes BodyPump difficult for her. Instead of doing Monday, Wednesday, Friday (BodyPump, BodyFlow, BodyPump), we did Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (BodyCombat, treadmill, RPM). I'm so proud of her! She made it through BodyCombat without hitting herself in the face. Something that took me a couple of times to do. 

Work was difficult the last part of the week. Wednesday, I really wanted to hit something when I went to the gym. Unfortunately, there was no BodyCombat that day. I asked Andrew if he would help me out and let me hit him. "NO! I see you hit Kevin, and you hit too hard. NO!" I laughed and called him a wuss. It was ok. The next day was Thursday, and Thursday is Kevin-day. Always pushing me farther, Kevin took me outside for part of my session. There is a free standing heavy boxing bag out by the basketball court. Not only did I get to throw some punches, I got to do some kicks. I'm not a violent person by nature, but I am really enjoying this fight training. I think Kevin has created a monster.

I ended the week by joining a friend for BodyVive, a class that uses resistance bands and balls as part of the workout. I had taken the class ONCE before at the beginning of my time at the gym. I remembered that the purple bands were less resistance than the black ones. I was really in the mood to push myself so I grabbed a set of black bands and walked into the class. Several women in the class came up to me and suggested that I do the purple bands instead. They were just trying to be helpful, so I smiled and said, "No, I'll be ok. I'm strong." They wouldn't let it go, so to make them happy I grabbed a purple set and put them on the floor behind me in case the black set "became too much for me". I didn't touch them the whole class. I guess I showed them!

Nervous but not stressing

Tomorrow is my weigh measure day with Kevin. Little nervous about it. I'm coming off the creeping crud that I had over the holidays. It meant there was a whole week in which I couldn't workout (Yes, Chance, I'm addicted enough that I'm upset by that even though I couldn't breathe). While feeling like eating is good for weight loss, staying in bed is not good for losing body fat. Once I got my appetite back, I think I put some of the weight back on. Think I will probably still have a loss in that stat, but not as big as I was hoping for. The other stats??..who knows. Like I said, I'm a little nervous, but not stressing. This is part of life...and this whole thing is a life journey.

Showing Off

I have discovered that I really enjoy showing off. Sometimes it is a good thing, other times it isn't. 

The photo shoot back in October for the gym's mail out advertisement was the first chance I got to really show off for my team. It was a lot of fun! At that point, Kevin was the only one that had really worked with me on a regular basis. Chance and Bria had worked with me once or twice, but even that has been a month back. Phil, on the other hand, had never seen me work at all. Kevin would tell me what form he wanted me to do, and as I would settle into the pose, I would hear one of them say to another, "Wow! She's flexible!" or "That's so cool!" It was VERY encouraging. I just this week got to do another photo shoot. This time for a local magazine, Hispanic Life. I discovered then that I get a kick out of shocking people. Due to my current size/weight, people sometimes make certain assumptions about what I can and can't do. It was the same kind of scenario, Kevin would tell me the form, I would make it happen. This time, I would hear the photographer gasp in shock. I would then have to hold the pose for a bit because he would be staring, forgetting to take the picture for a minute. It was very amusing.

Sometimes, showing off can cause me to push myself a little too far. BodyPump is a weight training class. They do not want you doing it everyday, because your muscles need to recover some after the class. On Fridays, I tend to do BodyPump twice a day, once before work and then again after. On the advice of one of the instructors, I usually do lower weight in the second class. Well, that is when I'm being smart and not showing off. The other day, some friends joined me in my afternoon BodyPump. I had set up with the lower weight when one asked me "It's my first time for this class. How much weight do YOU use?" Sigh...it was on then. I upped it back to my full weight, and even tried to add a little more during the bicep track. Yeah, about that....I strained my biceps and felt it for a couple of days afterward. 

I got another chance just this past Friday. As you know, I've been sick the past week. I am back to work and the gym, but have really been trying to listen to my body and take it easy. That went out the window on Friday when Kevin asked me if I wanted to play with him and Andrew. How could I pass that up??? I show up for the workout and discover that it is Andrew training Kevin, Holly, another guy, and me. So much for taking it easy. I was in a whole other league and had to push harder than I have up to this point. My lungs were burning by the end, and I am still a little sore two days later, but I HAD A BLAST!

Chance says we are going to work out together soon. (I think everyone is wanting to play with the new toy). I know I will probably kill myself that day too. Try as I might, I can't pass up the chance to show off. So if you ever want to see me work extra hard, come down to the health club and join me for a class. Tell me you are there to work out with me, and I will be sure to try my best to show off for you.  

Brainwashed&Broken

A friend asked me where I got the title for my blog, and it made me realize that I should probably explain it. As many thing are, it is a running joke at the gym. (If I ran as much as the jokes did, I would be getting in shape much faster) 

When I first started working with Kevin, I was e-mailing him everything I ate in a day. After a couple of weeks he sent me an e-mail that said, "Great job! So that you don't feel like a robot, allow yourself one unhealthy item this week. " Of course my reply was "CAKE!!" (see previous post). My husband delivers newspapers. I help him on Sundays because that is the hardest day of the week. Before I started trying to get healthy, Dustin and I would stop at a convenience store for burritos and a large coke. My new diet had put a stop to that. I was excited. I now had permission to do something unhealthy. I was gonna save this freebie for the paper route. I waited all week, counting down the days, much like someone looking forward to seeing an old friend. Sunday came, three o'clock in the morning, and I'm standing in the convenience store looking for an unhealthy option. Sigh, nothing unhealthy sounded remotely good. I ended up with juice, jerky, and cheese. Monday morning I sent Kevin an e-mail, "YOU BROKE ME!!!!"

A few days later, I had just gotten off work (I work on the third floor) and was headed to the gym. I suddenly realized that I was walking out of the stairwell. I had taken the stairs instead of the elevator. That in itself is a good thing, but the fact that I had done it without even realizing/thinking about it was the weird part. When I walked into the gym, I looked at Chance, pointed at my own face and said, "Brainwashed!"

From that point on, I started signing my e-mails and some of my Facebook posts "Brainwashed&Broken". When the time came to name my blog, I was the natural choice.

CAKE!!!!!

One of my hobbies is decorating cakes. Honestly, I'm more of a pie person, but I took up the hobby so we didn't have to buy a cake for every celebration. As it turns out, I'm pretty good at it. 

When I first started seeing results from working out at the gym (this was even before I started working with Kevin), I sent Bria an e-mail that said "I lost 2 pounds over the past few days!!!! I need to celebrate....with CAKE!" I was just joking, but that one joke took a life of it's own. Anytime something good happened, no matter how small, I started asking Kevin, "NOW can I have cake??" 

It is important to set long term goals when you are trying to make changes in your life. It is equally as important to set smaller goals. Ones that you can gauge your progress with. When you reach these goals, it is important to celebrate and reward yourself for all your hard work. My first short term goal was to get under 200 pounds. As the day was approaching, Kevin asked me how I was going to celebrate. Without missing a beat, I said, "With CAKE!" He laughed and said, "At that point, you will deserve it!"

So here is my "200 No More" cake. Double fudge chocolate cake with hot fudge filling and chocolate butter cream frosting. I made it, and took it to the gym with me. First of all, because my team needed to celebrate with me. They were the ones who got me there. And secondly, because I only needed a small piece. I didn't need a whole cake sitting in my refrigerator tempting me. It was fun, and it was good. Now to decide what to do at 175.

Happy New Year

As I look back on 2012, I see many changes to my life. I have been richly blessed! First and foremost that I serve a loving God that daily strengthens me and equips me for any battle that has to be faced. Secondly for my ever present husband, Dustin, who is my rock, my shield mate. With him, I never fight alone. Beyond these two, I have an ever widening net of family and friends, all of which have supported and encouraged me in the past year. The blessings I have received in the past year would not have been possible with out each one of you! I remember standing on the brink of 2012, with my heart full of dreams and hope. I never imagined myself getting to where I am today, and I have a pretty good imagination.  Thank you all. Every word of encouragement...every "you go"..every "you can do this"...has been a jewel that I have held to my heart and cherished. 

To my gym peeps, you may get tired of hearing it from me, but I will always be grateful to you.

-Kevin, my trainer, my friend, you once offered to "be mean" for me if that is what I needed a trainer to be. I would never change a thing about you. You are exactly the kind of trainer I need. I trust you with my whole heart. Your faith in me gives me the courage to step off the cliff and soar.   

-Chance, how do I put into words what you have become for me? In a lot of ways, you are the little brother I never had. There are times when we are talking, that you say or do something and I think, "yep, he would fit in just fine with my other brothers". Thank you for the times you argued with me when I was freaking out. You weren't telling me anything I didn't already know, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Let your passion guide you for there are great things for you to accomplish.

-Blake, God has given me another brother, but try as I might, I can't see you as a little brother. You are an old soul, a wise warrior. You, without saying a word, make me feel safe and protected. If I were to fall on my face, you would pick me back up while we laughed about it. But at the same time, I feel like anyone else would have to face you if THEY laughed at me. There are days that you don't have to say a word, just seeing your smile does my heart good.

-Steve, my smoothie supplier. I take great encouragement from out morning talks over an Elvis smoothie. You know the battles I face on a personal level. You have been there. I am so proud of you and the changes that you have made in you life. It inspires me to make the changes needed in mine. Thank you for being the open book that you are.

There are so many others. Bria and Phil, who are always taking a few minutes out of their busy day to just chat with me and celebrate with me each milestone. Bridget who is new and is taking time to get to know me (don't believe everything you hear). Andrew, who is ALWAYS trash talking with me now (one day I will get you into the Pilates Studio and we will see who is talking trash THEN). Christa, Crystal, Madison, Melody, Seth, Molly and Sarah, all instructors that have made the classes fun in spite of the pain. 

Now I stand on the brink of 2013, again with my heart full of hopes and dreams. As I link arms with all the people God has brought into my life, and step off the cliff of 2012 into the unknown of 2013, I do so with excitement.